Just when I think I might have things somewhat under control, I realize that I don't and I begin to panic. Take math for example. We're working on it, but honestly, it's the first thing that doesn't get done when the day is going haywire (which, of course, happens more often than not).
I would like to do it first, but that's when the baby is toddling around and everyone seems to be a bit too wired to sit down and do some math. So then I try to leave it for when the baby goes for her nap- only to have a dozen other things push their way to the top of the list and by the time that's done, the baby's up and I'm hooped for another day!
So now, I sit looking at the math curriculum that I have for my oldest and notice that I've only done about 20 of the 140 lessons in the book. And even if I COULD get math done every (school) day from now till the end of the year, I still wouldn't get it all done.
And I'm panicking. Am I failing my kids in their academic education? How far behind are they in English and Math? How on earth am I ever going to catch up? Am I setting the bar too low of what I expect of them each day? Most of their work seems so high maintenance that I can't figure out how daily, to get everything done with each kid. I'm mean really, I think today was the first day #3 child actually did some formal school work in the past couple of weeks. Granted said child is only in kindergarten and we've already done 80% of the required work- but still.
Need some divine wisdom/intervention on how to figure out managing the 'littles' so that the 'biggies' get their work done. Having said that, guess I should go spend some time trying to get it. ;-)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Honour and obey with your heart, not just your body...
I had a breakthrough with my oldest the other day. It was during another one of those fights that we said we weren't going to have over his guitar practicing (or rather lack thereof and the extremely crappy effort (if you could even call it effort) that he was putting forth).
I was desperately trying not to loose my marbles and give up altogether on this music thing with him. It literally was going on for close to 2 hours! In the background I could hear the other kids screaming and hubby loosing it with them as I had it out with my oldest. I knew that if I gave up, we'd be back at this on the next practice and it would probably be even worse.
Then came the sentence: "I need you to honour and obey with your heart, not just your body". Lightbulb moment! That was the problem. His view was that he just needed to 'suck it up and just do it' and survive till the end of the year that was required of him. He would have his body practice, all the while his heart was far from it- which is why we were fighting over this. He wasn't working as unto the Lord giving a whole-hearted effort- it was more like 10%, and it showed.
Now, some of you might be going, 'well, duh! wasn't that obvious?' Well, yes and no. On the one hand, I remembered a story* about that from when I was younger and it suddenly all made sense. Yet on the other hand, it was a divine revelation that God gave 'in that Kairos moment'- that suddenly brought it to life and gave it power that my previous understanding of that truth couldn't comprehend until that moment. It's like going to watch a fireworks display- you know when you hear the 'pop' that the burst will shortly follow, but what you don't know/comprehend until the moment is what it is going to look like. THEN, you have the oh, ah, moment. Does that make sense?
In that one moment, I finally realized how I could explain this to the kids- because this heart obedience is the issue for all of us, not just my oldest when it comes to the guitar practicing. This is where God looks for our obedience- not in the outward performance of things, but the heart attitude that we had. That is how we can have joy in all circumstances and give 110% when nobody else is looking and the job is horrible.
Now having said that, I'm examining my own life right now and how that fits in with me. There are a few things that I've been doing lately that have begun to feel more like burdens than opportunities for joyous service. So, needless to say- my heart attitude has sucked! But like I keep telling the kids, no matter what happens to you- you still have to CHOOSE your attitude/response. Nobody can MAKE you DO anything, it's always a choice. But I digress.
I've been really working this through with the kids- in their chores, school work, and just general obedience, and let me tell you, there have been some REALLY good moments that have come out of it. For the most part, guitar practicing has taken on a whole new tone (ha, ha- both literally and figuratively)- and so has some of the school work. We still have our moments, but now I have a new 'mantra' of sorts- and I'm sticking with it until God gives me a new one!
* The general gist of the story I mentioned was a tale of a parent disciplining a child. His punishment was to sit down in a chair for a period of time. As he sat down the child replies, "I may be sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside".
I was desperately trying not to loose my marbles and give up altogether on this music thing with him. It literally was going on for close to 2 hours! In the background I could hear the other kids screaming and hubby loosing it with them as I had it out with my oldest. I knew that if I gave up, we'd be back at this on the next practice and it would probably be even worse.
Then came the sentence: "I need you to honour and obey with your heart, not just your body". Lightbulb moment! That was the problem. His view was that he just needed to 'suck it up and just do it' and survive till the end of the year that was required of him. He would have his body practice, all the while his heart was far from it- which is why we were fighting over this. He wasn't working as unto the Lord giving a whole-hearted effort- it was more like 10%, and it showed.
Now, some of you might be going, 'well, duh! wasn't that obvious?' Well, yes and no. On the one hand, I remembered a story* about that from when I was younger and it suddenly all made sense. Yet on the other hand, it was a divine revelation that God gave 'in that Kairos moment'- that suddenly brought it to life and gave it power that my previous understanding of that truth couldn't comprehend until that moment. It's like going to watch a fireworks display- you know when you hear the 'pop' that the burst will shortly follow, but what you don't know/comprehend until the moment is what it is going to look like. THEN, you have the oh, ah, moment. Does that make sense?
In that one moment, I finally realized how I could explain this to the kids- because this heart obedience is the issue for all of us, not just my oldest when it comes to the guitar practicing. This is where God looks for our obedience- not in the outward performance of things, but the heart attitude that we had. That is how we can have joy in all circumstances and give 110% when nobody else is looking and the job is horrible.
Now having said that, I'm examining my own life right now and how that fits in with me. There are a few things that I've been doing lately that have begun to feel more like burdens than opportunities for joyous service. So, needless to say- my heart attitude has sucked! But like I keep telling the kids, no matter what happens to you- you still have to CHOOSE your attitude/response. Nobody can MAKE you DO anything, it's always a choice. But I digress.
I've been really working this through with the kids- in their chores, school work, and just general obedience, and let me tell you, there have been some REALLY good moments that have come out of it. For the most part, guitar practicing has taken on a whole new tone (ha, ha- both literally and figuratively)- and so has some of the school work. We still have our moments, but now I have a new 'mantra' of sorts- and I'm sticking with it until God gives me a new one!
* The general gist of the story I mentioned was a tale of a parent disciplining a child. His punishment was to sit down in a chair for a period of time. As he sat down the child replies, "I may be sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside".
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Am I doing it all wrong (reflections on 'superior Chinese mothers'- see previous post)?
It never fails that the moment you read about someone else's parenting, you wonder- even if only briefly, whether or not they're already doing something that you should be doing. Such was the case this evening as I read an interesting article about the difference between stereo-typical Chinese mothers and the average 'Western' type mother. (posted as an entry before this one so you can read if for yourself)
As I read the article, I really began to wonder if maybe there was something to be said for having high expectations for your kids. But then I wondered where are those kids' hearts in relation to Christ? Then I wondered if I was just using that as an excuse to not require more of my children (considering myself lucky if I get a 15 min guitar practice out of my oldest without any tears/melt-downs, never mind 2 - 3 hrs!). I wonder how you could have more than one kid in order to devote that much time to making them strive for perfection?
Maybe, as with everything, there is a fine balancing line that needs to be walked. Ultimately, all their perfection will only get them a one-way ticket to hell. Talk about the biggest failure you could have- the final that cannot be passed by human means, no matter how much practice you put in. Maybe that is why the Chinese people seem to have one of the most fruitful harvest fields right now- they're tired of striving for a perfection that they can never attain. In the wise words of Syndrome from the movie The Incredibles, "I'll make everyone a superhero- and then nobody will be special anymore" (or something like that). When everyone is striving for perfection than that is the new normal- standing out is almost out of reach.
But in the end, God will not look at all the hours that were put into studying/practicing/etc. and let them in for doing their best. Even if it is for doing works in God's kingdom- for He says that not all who say 'lord, lord' will enter the kingdom. Only those whom He knows and know Him on an intimate level.
Do I want my kids to succeed? I would love it if they did! Do I need to push them a bit harder and expect more of them? Definitely! But at the end of the day, as a christian, the real question that I need to be able to say yes to is 'are my children closer to God today than they were yesterday'? Lord willing the answer will be yes!
As I read the article, I really began to wonder if maybe there was something to be said for having high expectations for your kids. But then I wondered where are those kids' hearts in relation to Christ? Then I wondered if I was just using that as an excuse to not require more of my children (considering myself lucky if I get a 15 min guitar practice out of my oldest without any tears/melt-downs, never mind 2 - 3 hrs!). I wonder how you could have more than one kid in order to devote that much time to making them strive for perfection?
Maybe, as with everything, there is a fine balancing line that needs to be walked. Ultimately, all their perfection will only get them a one-way ticket to hell. Talk about the biggest failure you could have- the final that cannot be passed by human means, no matter how much practice you put in. Maybe that is why the Chinese people seem to have one of the most fruitful harvest fields right now- they're tired of striving for a perfection that they can never attain. In the wise words of Syndrome from the movie The Incredibles, "I'll make everyone a superhero- and then nobody will be special anymore" (or something like that). When everyone is striving for perfection than that is the new normal- standing out is almost out of reach.
But in the end, God will not look at all the hours that were put into studying/practicing/etc. and let them in for doing their best. Even if it is for doing works in God's kingdom- for He says that not all who say 'lord, lord' will enter the kingdom. Only those whom He knows and know Him on an intimate level.
Do I want my kids to succeed? I would love it if they did! Do I need to push them a bit harder and expect more of them? Definitely! But at the end of the day, as a christian, the real question that I need to be able to say yes to is 'are my children closer to God today than they were yesterday'? Lord willing the answer will be yes!
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