Running out of Time....

This week has been better- have actually managed to get nearly everything done by lunch time a couple of days this week. And honestly, I think the boys much prefer it that way. I think when I wait till the younger ones go down for their naps- the older ones are upset that I'm infringing on 'their' time. But when I commandeer their time from when they get up, they don't seem to mind (as much)- and then they think they've won the lottery when I say that they have the rest of the day free to play.

But I feel like I'm running out of time- esp. with math. I did a quick calculation and there aren't enough days left in the school year to finish everything in the books. Doesn't help that we really did no math for the first half of the school year. So, I'm going to have to take a serious look at things to see what I have to do, what would be nice to do and what can be skipped. The hard part is that they actually have to learn the math- not just be introduced to it, and I can't rush that. Hopefully I can figure out how to focus and buckle down with it to get it done.

It's hard to believe that February is almost gone and there is only 4 mths 'left' for this year! But that also scares me- I only have 4 mths left to get it all done, which if the boys worked faster, wouldn't be a problem. I'm going from 'we have all year' to 'the year is almost done'. Aaaaah! Need to keep focused and on task. One day at a time. Plug away bit by bit- majoring on the majors and minoring on the minors.

Deep breath, deep breath- and don't hyperventilate. ;-)

On the plus side, I was thinking about our year so far- warts and all, and realizing that deep down, I think I'm really loving this whole home school journey that we're on. Just want to make sure that academically, we're keeping up with where we're supposed to be.

Hitting the Wall...

The past few weeks have been pretty brutal- to the point where my hubby is wanting to send the kids back to public school. So I've been asking myself again, 'why am I doing this?'.

I'm guessing the biggest part of the problem is my lack of devotional time. Time to focus on the important things (like growing into a more Christ-like woman/wife/mother) and releasing the unimportant things (like petty distractions that can consume all your time each day).

In reading some of my previous posts, I've realized that my blogs have been very self focused- whining about this and that and what's gone (usually) wrong with homeschooling that week. But is that really what this is about. I mean really- why are we doing this?

Character building takes time, lots of it. And around here- nobody is immune and I think most of us would be getting a big fat 'F' in that class! So how can the kids be expected to behave when we as parents seem to be loosing it most of the time?

Nothing seems to be going the way it should- not that I feel like I know what 'it' should look like. I keep thinking that maybe if it was more interesting or entertaining or something, that the boys would be more on board with the whole program and get their work done quickly- oh, and with a great attitude as well! Probably too much to hope for from 6 & 8 year old boys!

I was thinking that maybe I needed some suggestions on how I could change things up, but then I realized that while that might be helpful- it isn't the solution. I need to go to the Great Teacher and get HIS instructions for what I'm supposed to be doing, along with the when and how of it all. Something that is so basic yet I've sadly chosen to neglect it and waste time doing unimportant things.

Maybe that's why God let's us hit walls- so we can stop and look around at the mess that our lives have become, in the hopes that we'll finally turn to Him to show us how things are really supposed to be done. Maybe if I get focused on God it will help my kids get focused on Him too- and then maybe together we can work on getting our lives in focus. Each of us getting our jobs done quickly and efficiently so that we can have time to enjoy each other and the world around us.

I guess that means that I need to get off here and begin the focusing- and then get to bed so that I can focus my day tomorrow BEFORE it happens, rather than after I get slaughtered in battle!  ;-&

Pulling up blanks....

My brain feels dead. Many times this week I've been wondering why I'm doing a particular activity (and not knowing why) or thinking we've been busy (but for the life of me, I can't remember with what). Very frustrating!

The weekly reports for the most part have been quite jam packed with every minute detail that I can legitimately put in there- in hopes that I'm actually covering things that need to be covered. Some might say that if I were to be registered instead of enrolled than I wouldn't have to bother with weekly reports, but for now- I need them. I need the accountability of having to explain what I've been doing (or why things haven't been done).

Thankfully I have a system to keep track of everything- as long as I keep it up to date. As I mentioned above- if I wait a day or two, I have no clue as to what we did. It's now one of my bed-time chores. In some ways it's very therapeutic- as long as we actually did something that day. It makes me feel like my kids are learning and that I'm successfully doing my job as their teacher.

But there's something else. I'm still wonder about the character issues. I feel like we're not really getting anywhere with things- in fact, things seem to be getting worse! I don't know if the stress of reno chaos and new baby have just pushed everyone over the edge or what the deal is- I'm drawing a blank. All I know is that I'm still dealing with my issues/frustrations and the kids seem to be acting like I am! Argh!

For some reason I think I honestly believed that it was going to just fix itself because we were now homeschooling. But like another home school mom mentioned- it gets worse before it gets better! I also think our instant society breeds impatience that wants everything yesterday- only God doesn't share the same ideal. Would be nice if He did, though.

One thing is that I'm greedy- with my time, my money, my wants, etc. I want it all the way I think it should be- in short I want to be god. Thankfully that position has already been filled, which is a HUGE weight off my shoulders- but it still presents a problem for me in my obedience (or lack thereof). Needless to say, I see this same problem magnified in my children (or maybe it's just times the 4 of them that are old enough to give me attitude back).

I feel like I'm on auto-pilot again, being swept away by the raging currents of life. Struggling to come up for that fractional second- gasping for air, only to be sucked away again by the torrent of life's demands. I thought things were supposed to be different if you home schooled?

Maybe it's just like everything else- it's a choice. A choice to get up early even when I'm tired because I had a hard time falling/staying asleep. A choice to GET UP and spend real, quality time with God instead of laying in bed (insert snores in between prayers) and counting that as prayer time. A choice to daily die to selfishness and not only embrace a life of servanthood, but to do it with joy instead of drudgery. A choice to look for the good in people and situations instead of being annoyed by everything.

My brain might feel like it's dead, but it still knows what it needs to do. God knows where I'm at and He has everything I need to get through it all. A few days ago I was reminded about the yoke He gives us- and how different it is from the yokes we make for ourselves... I think the reason I'm coming up with so many blanks is because I'm trying to keep it together carrying MY self-made yoke, which doesn't work. I need to trade it in moment by moment for His yoke, for His yoke is easy and the burden is light.

So I guess if we're weighted down with the cares of this world- we need to trade in our yoke for His so that we will get the rest and refreshing we need to get His will done. Hm, definitely need to work on that....