The Process is Precious- Don't Despise it!

This week marks the end of Term 1. In some ways I thought we were doing pretty good (i.e. volume of work done), but as I was putting together the kids' portfolios- I wasn't so sure.

I can remember late the night before my teacher meeting thinking, "I really hope she doesn't ask me how things are going, because right now, I'm not doing well". Any guesses what her first question was for me?

Getting a bit more sleep last night did help somewhat, but there's something deeper within that's been fueling a discontent within my life for a long time- and it's spewing out my mouth in harsh words and tones. It makes me sad, especially when I see my kids doing the same thing to each other. And then I wonder if maybe they'd be better off at public school where they wouldn't hear it all day (at least not from me).

There's something to be said for choices- choosing what our attitude will be. Over the past few months I've really been trying to think before I speak and decide what tone &/or volume of voice I will use. Sometimes it works. Somedays... well, it's good that God's mercies are new every morning.

Lately I just want to escape. To get away from the incessant 'mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, etc.' and the bickering and the whining- but as I think about it, here I'm doing the exact same thing. So really, what is it?

Maybe there are thoughts and feelings that I've been running away from for a long time. Could it be that? Am I not supposed to be home schooling? Are my expectations of what my kids's behaviour should be out of step with reality? I think about these things and go around and around in circles over them- but nothing ever seems to get resolved.

A while back I realized that I was falling into the pitfall of 'navel gazing' in our home school. Being home all the time, except for church, can really blind you to the outside world. And, like being in Bible School, it's easy to mistake studying the bible for studying the bible. The bible becomes another text book instead of a personal connection to an even more personal God.

You get bogged down in the "have to's" of the day and loose sight of the big picture- the calling to train up your children in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it. The process is precious to the Lord, yet I think I've come to despise it. No, not just think I do- I do despise it. My emotional response confirms it. To be angry and focused on what is not instead of being thankful for what I do have. To feel sorry for myself over the thanklessness and insignificance that I feel instead of looking to God for HIS approval and significance.

I need to learn how to be ruthless with my sin yet abounding in grace with myself and for those around me- especially my children. I need to do more than half-baked/sleeping prayers while I try to get more sleep instead of getting up to start the day. I need to have my own, actual personal prayer and devotional time and not pass off our school work as it.

Most of all, I need to change who's driving my life. There are a few outstanding promises that I've been holding out over God's head- and I think I've been using them as my reasons/excuses for keeping myself in the drivers seat. But obviously it's not working- so why am I digging in my heels over this? I guess I'm letting  one of the lessons that I learned as a kid to die a long, hard, slow painful death (you have to look out for yourself because nobody else is going to help you- which is totally not biblical, by the way!).

Or maybe it's finally time to go and sharpen up a hatchet?!?!?!?

Repeat with Me, "I don't need to be Fixed!"

I feel like I'm supposed to write something- and I was going to try really hard to be very cheerful as I wrote it since I seem to always blog/write when I'm frustrated, which makes it all sound dark and dreary. But my thoughts are so all over the place that I feel like I'm jumping from one lilypad to the next with no rhyme or reason to it.

Now that they have this updated blog format, I've actually discovered that I'm not the only one reading these posts- so I feel like I need to 'wax eloquent' with my writing like all the other blog out there seem to. Sheesh! So, needless to say it's a tad frustrating to not be able to think straight and get it out properly.

But then again, maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe my ping-pong ball type thoughts are what someone out there somewhere will need. Maybe my crassly written words will be like the psalmist and hit someone where they're at- now I just need to figure out how to put an uplifting twist on things that are hard.

I guess it's like the movie Courageous- where the lead has to figure out if he's going to choose gratitude for what he did have or be bitter about what he won't have. So often I choose to 'navel-gaze' and pick apart my life in an attempt to 'fix' myself- but in doing so I take my eyes off the One who CAN fix me.

Yet even in that- I'm still believing that who/what I am isn't good enough, that it even needs to be fixed. Whoa- I'm just going to stop for a second and let that thought sink into my brain. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm always so frustrated! Do I need healing and wholeness in my life- definitely. But the bible says that when God made me (all of us), He said it was very good! When He choose to save us- we didn't have to get our act together and be 'fixed' to receive His FREE gift of salvation. We got it where we were at. So where do we get the idea that we need to strive to some goal of perfection in order to be good enough? By comparing ourselves to others and thinking we have to earn our salvation.

You might say that you don't believe in earning our salvation- but what about the verse that says we need to work out our salvation or that we have to be holy even as Jesus was? I don't think those verses are all about US trying to make it on our own. I think it has more to do with being transformed by the presence of God- focusing on Him (instead of ourselves) and having Him rub off on us and our character.

I think I need to go sleep on these thoughts- so not where I thought I was going with this tonight, however, it's a good place to be. A healing place.

Temper Tantrums

Lately it seems as if the temper tantrum monster has come to live at my house- today it was my turn to let loose in a full melt-down. I'm so totally not proud of that fact and after a time-out in my room, I called all the kids to the living room to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.

I always tell them that they can't control what others say/do to them, but they do have control over their response. And, as much as I 'lost it' today with them- it was very much a choice. I knew that I could get them to stop fighting and start listening if I freaked out at them- so I did it. Plain talking hadn't worked so I did what I knew would work- slamming books and bins on the table and yelling. Did I feel awful afterwards- yes, but also strangely no.

Yes, because I don't want to freak my kids into obeying me. I want them to obey out of love not fear. Yes, because I don't like it that nothing else is working and the only thing I could think of was to melt-down. But mostly yes, because the bible says that I'm to be slow to anger, not given to fits of rage and when I do get angry that I don't sin while doing so- which clearly I was since it wasn't a holy anger (it was an 'I've had it with this crap and I'm going to get you to obey by freaking you into doing so').

On the no side, it got my kids to do what I'd been trying for over an hour to do- stop the questioning/ complaining/ fighting about every single thing I (or anyone else) said or did to them.

But then there was still the rest of the day. The part where everyone else seemed to want to take their turn at having a temper tantrum. And the stupid part was, I couldn't really blame them and give them crap for it since I'd just done it myself this morning. Hm, another reason for the 'don't ever do that again' column.

So where to go from here? More sleep would probably be a good start. It's hard to deal with whiny, insubordinate children when you're tired. But I think there is more that I need to be pro-active about. Maybe I'm less incline to put up with things lately since I've realized that by not nipping this in the butt soon enough in the process has gotten me to this place- so I'm frustrated by that as well as the whining. I'm still not really sure what needs to be done and/or how to do it.

I've been toying with the idea of school/chore lists for each child every day- thereby making them responsible to get things done. And, adding to that, the amount of screen time that they'll 'earn' by completing each item without whining/complaining.

But then I wonder again if that's a lesson that I really want to teach them- get through your work so that YOU can have YOUR time? The 'I've done my work so now this is MY time to do with as I want, blah, blah, blah. I mean really, our time is really God's time- and I should be teaching my kids to wait on Him for HIS plan for their day/lives. As Christians do we ever get time off, or can there be a compromise somewhere in between the two?

All I need to know is that I have to change me first so that I can lead by example instead of be the hypocrite and doing the 'do as I say- not as I do' thing. This seems to be a constant theme in my blogs here. I guess it's like I told my husband- sometimes I think home schooling (and having kids for that matter) are more about refining the parents than what the kids will learn, lol!

Maybe next time I can pick a good day when things go well and blog then so these posts don't seem so depressing....

Off to a good start- with dirty diapers!

The past week and a bit has been pretty good. Doing massive amounts of science/science experiments & activities rank right up there with boys! Now I just need to keep on top of their bad attitudes.

I've realized that for the past 2 years I have tolerated, or dare I say accepted, crappy attitudes. How could this be? Well, by not getting rid of it in year one and still having it around when we start year 3- that's how. I realized that this was really a heart issue, so I took the matter to prayer. And what I got was a dirty diaper!

Not literally, but an idea. Quite often the kids will try to 'disguise' their disobedience with joking around or some other 'cute' (or not) behaviour. However, the reality is it's still disobedience/bad attitude. God gave me the idea that the next time it came up I was to get one of the baby's diapers and hand it to said child (after telling them to close their eyes and hold out their hand!). So upon opening their eyes, they totally were disgusted.

Then, I went and got a pretty ribbon and tied it around the dirty diaper (closed and wrapped up of course)- and repeated the process.

Needless to say they looked at me like I was a bit crazy. So I explained to them that their attitude/disobedience was as disgusting as that dirty diaper- and wrapping it all up on the outside with a pretty bow did NOTHING to change what was inside. That was what their hearts were like. They may act all cute or silly (the bow) and pretend they're just joking around when they try to sneak off in order to get out of their school work, but the heart attitude that they're showing is still that dirty diaper.

For a few days after that, any time I saw the 'attitude' coming I would mention the dirty diaper. Seems to have helped a bit- but there is still a long way to go.

I've been really good at making sure that things are organized for the day before I go to bed, and I'm quite certain that is also helping (not to mention keeping the days busy enough to keep them out of trouble).

Anyway, it's been a long, hot day/week- so I need to get some sleep.

Thoughts on starting Year Three

It seems just yesterday that I was sitting at the computer, dreaming of the day that I would have finished my first year of home schooling so that I wouldn't feel like such a newby. And now tomorrow, we'll be meeting with our new home school teacher to finalize our prep for year 3!

As I was looking through the books that we'll be working through, I'm getting excited about all the things we're going to get to do. I'm also wondering if maybe I've bitten off more than we can chew? Unfortunately, the kids don't seem nearly as excited as I am (go figure).

But I feel like I need more time to get myself and things organized. We still haven't finished the reno that cut school short in June, so there are a lot of things still all over the place. I had wanted to work on teaching my children what their chores were and how to properly do them over the summer so that things would run more smoothly once we were back into the swing of school- which, of course, hasn't happened.

I have all these things that I want them to learn this year, but I'm dreading the attitude that is already lamenting the end of summer and the hatred of all things school.

Even though we're onto year three, there are still things (like bad attitudes) that we haven't worked out/gotten rid of yet- and I'm frustrated just thinking about it.

However, then I think about my life and if I'm really any different that way than my children? Are they merely reflecting me (if so, why am I like that) and what am I going to do about it?

I've realized this summer that the kids fall apart where there is too much free time. As adults we waste it in front of tv's/computers/etc., but kids can't always do that when there are more of them than screens. Needless to say, when they fall apart so do I.

There are many changes that need to be made (less screen time/more control over content/more chores/etc)- but I need to discipline myself enough to list/make and enforce the changes until they become our new habits. I think once we get into the groove of that, some of our problems will fix themselves- and leave us with the real issues that need to be dealt with. And then, maybe, we'll get to the fun stuff of school.

The power of words

I've been thinking a lot about words lately- mostly about what people say and maybe even more importantly, how it is said.

I often tell my kids that there is a nice way to say something as well as a mean way. More often than not our household chooses the mean way. The tone of voice that adds 'you're a stupid idiot' is creeping into our conversations and patience seems to have run out the door long ago. And honestly, I don't know how much more I can take before this tidal wave drowns me in despair.

Out of the heart the mouth speaks- so I guess in one way this is a good thing, because know there is no doubt as to where our hearts are right now. But what to do about people who don't care how they talk to you- whether it hurts you (and those around you) or not? How do I guard my heart (or my children's hearts) and still stay soft to the things of the Lord?

But of more significance- how do I get my children to learn how to speak/act kindly to others when the example they get from grown-ups in their lives is the exact opposite?

I'm making more of a concerted effort to change my words and their tone- but it's a heart thing, which means the long term correction needs divine intervention- for all of us!

Ups and downs and the return of monster mommy

I was talking with a friend the other day and pondering the notion that I'm going into my third year of home schooling. It just seems like such an odd concept- that we've finished two whole years of schooling and will be starting year three! Time wise, it still feels like I'm working my way through our first year. Where has the time gone?

I'm please to say that the kids have really pulled through and done very well this year- child #1 even managed to pull off an 'A' for math. Pretty good considering he was sitting with an 'I' at the end of second semester! The rest of their marks were quite decent as well. Not quite sure how that happened, lol!

But more than the academics, I'm wondering what God's marks would be... maybe that's why I still feel like we're working on our first year still- I'm not sure how much real progress has been made. I know the past couple of weeks have been really bad for me- monster mommy moved back in and I haven't been able to get rid of her yet! ;-( Didn't help that we did a reno over my hubby's recent holiday time, either. And today we worked on teaching child #1 how to cut the lawn- I'm not sure whose attitude was worse, his or mine. The lawn did get mowed (twice because the first time was so badly done), but I was left wondering if I'd made any progress on the heart training (or if my crappy attitude was the bigger issue).

All I know is that I seriously need a few nights of really good, peaceful, restful sleep and several days of just hanging with the kids without obscene demands stressing me out so that I can calm down and start liking them again. Oh, and putting my house back together after the reno might help too- (chaos really stresses me out in more ways than one).

Maybe I'll have to reflect on this past year once I de-stress, since right now I really can't think straight.

Progress

It's hard to believe that I'm almost finished year 2 of home schooling- which I'm feeling more and more is going to be a longer term activity than originally anticipated.

The past few weeks have been somewhat of a blur, but somehow this semester we've done well (or rather the kids have done well). My oldest has managed to finish an entire year of math in about 4 months! Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. English is still struggling with the older two, but I'm planning on buckling down on that next year to get them caught up to speed and make them more confident in their writing.

All in all, we will finish well this year- and for that I'm truly grateful. This summer there will be no 'loose ends' that need to be dealt with and August/September will see us starting on a clean page.

The more I think about next year and some of the things we'll be doing, the more excited I'm getting. I really feel that our direction for next year is where it's supposed to be- and I have peace. I'm also not thinking a whole lot about what the kids are going to say about it and just praying that my enthusiasm will be infectious enough to help turn the corner on some of the bad attitudes we've faced over the past two years.

I'm hoping that the summer break will help us take a breather and work on teaching/learning chores for everyone so that the fall/school/household will run much smoother than we have up until now. It all goes together, and we just have to figure out how to walk it.

The best laid plans...

I kid you not, this past week I probably spent about 20+ hours preparing for my curriculum shop at the local home school convention. And you know what? It pretty much went out the window the moment I got there! So not good! (on a side note, at least it was better than last year- which I didn't prepare for at all! I didn't even know what topics my kids were supposed to cover in order to know where to start looking for curriculum.)

Unfortunately, the more time I spent researching, the more programs I'd find, the more I'd have to research to find out about them to see if THAT was what I was supposed to use... You get the picture.

But as most of you know, most websites don't show you much of anything, so you really don't know what the program has/covers/looks like/entails/etc. So then I'd go to review sites, but of course everybody's opinion of said programs are different, so you really don't get any idea of whether or not it would be a good fit for your family.

I seriously think that people should have to divulge their background info and schooling philosophy in order to really give a truer picture of their review. Like if someone is more of an 'unschooling' type home schooler, than of course they're going to say a structured program totally didn't work for them and was a waste of money. But the person who likes that kind of thing will absolutely rave about how great it is. As for me? I still have no clue about how it will work for my family.

Last night I finally had to turn off the computer and just give it up to God. He knows my kids way better than I ever will- even if I spent a lifetime trying to figure just one of them out, never mind the 5 I have! This brought some measure of peace that allowed me to actually fall asleep in less than the hour or so it usually takes. Then, as I was driving out there, I kept praying- help me pick the stuff that will work for my kids. Things that will help them learn and feel more confident about the tasks I assign so that they don't hate school so much.

I'm not sure how it's all going to work out next year, and I think that maybe I've bitten off more work than we'll be able to handle. However, I deliberately chose stuff that will allow the kids, for the most part, to work as independent learners as much as possible. I'm still going to have to do some teaching with these areas, but it won't be as labour intensive so that they will all be working at the same time, on different things, and hopefully get the core stuff done every day- so that we can do more of the fun stuff every day as well.

Going into year 3 I am finally starting to feel like I'm leading this ship instead of feeling like I'm only qualified to swap the poop deck. I feel like the vacation is now over and I'm really to take things and my kids to the next level. To expect more out of them, to push them harder and (hopefully) watch them soar as a result!

Navel Gazing

I realized a few weeks ago that part of the problems I was experiencing with the kids might have something to do with the fact that I was so focused on them that we were all kind of turning into self-centred little brats.

In our faith walk, when we focus too much on ourselves, we can get depressed at the futility of our situations. The 'doing what we don't want and not doing the things we know we ought to do'... And I realized that our home, as a result of home schooling (or rather the behaviour issues that led us to home schooling), had become so inward focused that we (mostly I?) couldn't see the progress that had been made over the past few months.

Since then, I've been trying to be much more intentional about lightening up over the little things and trying to get a more outward/global focus so that it isn't always just about us and what we want. I still need to figure it out a bit more, so we'll have to see where it all goes.

A breath of fresh air....

I had my curriculum consult this morning, and it was amazing! To be able to sit and chat with someone who knows about a multitude of different options and was praying about what our family needed so that our conversations would be divinely guided was invigorating.

It was like a breath of fresh air in my stuffy home school life right now.

To be able to hash out what I've tried, what I would like to try, or even just what I've secretly pondered in my head was great. To get new and creative ideas about how do to things (as well as some slack from feeling like I need to be perfect) has given me new hope/life to finish off the remainder of this year and an excitement about planning for next year.

I feel like I can do this again. I have been given tools/ideas about how to make school more unconventional in order to (re)capture my kids' attention and interest and hopefully somewhere along the lines in-still in them a love and wonder for learning and school.

Do I think that new curriculum is going to suddenly change their attitudes for the better? No (although one can hope and pray!). However, if I'm excited about what I'm teaching and I have an interesting/relevant delivery method, it will probably go a long way towards capturing their attention- and if I can get their attention, then I can finally teach them something.

Hard News to Swallow...

I'm a failure. There. Now I've said it and maybe now I can get over it and get on with life.

My oldest child has gotten a C- in English and an 'I' for math for second semester. I have officially failed home schoolers everywhere and have added fuel to the proverbial fire against home schooling! No hint of perfectionistic pride there anywhere- no, none at all! Yeah, right!

We won't mention the fact that there were other circumstances that I think helped things get to that place, but the reality is is that I'm the teacher and I haven't gotten the job done. Or have I?

The past few months have been really focused on heart training with my children- something that I don't think my current support teacher truly understands (or at least not the way I do it- or at least that's how it feels). But the bottom line is that I really just didn't know where to go in order to get the info I needed to get the job done, so I kind of avoided doing anything. I'm starting to pick up the pieces (and the pace)- but I'm still struggling with some of it.

But really, emotionally and behaviourally, I think the kids are doing quite well. Are we any where near where I want things to be? Not a chance! So am I really a failure? I think it depends on how you define failure- and for me the only measuring stick that I want to use is the biblical one: Eternity.

I had to do a very deep self-examination of myself and my thoughts/attitudes when I found out the marks- because I was spitting mad about it. Not exactly a Christ-like response. But as I prayed and reflected on the whole situation and the past semester, it was warranted. And where I think the ball really dropped was in the area of communication- or rather poor or lack thereof.

I'm realizing that I don't like conflict and so don't communicate in order to avoid it. Yet that just creates more problems for me to stew about and get my nose all out of joint over. However, that has now complicated my kids' lives- which isn't fair.

So, I'm trying to go to those hard places that I've been working so hard to avoid. I'm being more proactive about searching out the best fits for me and my children where their schooling is concerned (hey, isn't that part of why I started this in the first place anyway?). I'm opening up myself to get hurt- but I'm finding that God is revealing those things before the situation comes up, so they're turning out to be not quite so painful. Thank you God for small mercies!

Am I a failure and have I failed home schoolers everywhere? Not a chance. We are all a work in progress and  as long as we are all moving forward on this journey of life, nobody, anywhere, has any right to label me a failure- and most of all I'm talking to me! ;-)

Floundering....

I'm not sure where the past couple of months have gone. It just seems like yesterday was Christmas and now we're almost at the end of term 2 and approaching spring break! Crazy!

But I feel like I'm floundering- the two steps forward and five steps back seems to have reared it's ugly head. Where there seemed to be breakthroughs now finds regressions- and I'm frustrated. Why can't they just stop with the attitude and just get the work done?

I started reading 'The Heart of Anger' last week. I've only gotten through the first chapter or two- where they put in the list of 25 things parents do to provoke anger in their kids... yeah, let's just say we probably do at least 20+ of them. Every time I'm dealing with something in a child, I can look at my own life and think, 'maybe I should follow my own advice'! No wonder I'm having problems!

I have gotten into more of a routine of who's doing what, where and when and with whom- which seems to have helped. I also found a new math program for my oldest, but the excitement/novelty was gone by day 2. At least he's getting math done every day and I don't have to sit for an hour with him to do it! Definitely going to be using that for the oldest two next year.

My brain is feeling scattered (which you could probably already tell from this crazy post) and I think the kids are too. But maybe we just need a break- I'm not sure.

Anyway, I've got a huge 'to-do list' for tonight and I already just want to go to sleep. So, good night for now!

Mid-Year Panic

Just when I think I might have things somewhat under control, I realize that I don't and I begin to panic. Take math for example. We're working on it, but honestly, it's the first thing that doesn't get done when the day is going haywire (which, of course, happens more often than not).

I would like to do it first, but that's when the baby is toddling around and everyone seems to be a bit too wired to sit down and do some math. So then I try to leave it for when the baby goes for her nap- only to have a dozen other things push their way to the top of the list and by the time that's done, the baby's up and I'm hooped for another day!

So now, I sit looking at the math curriculum that I have for my oldest and notice that I've only done about 20 of the 140 lessons in the book. And even if I COULD get math done every (school) day from now till the end of the year, I still wouldn't get it all done.

And I'm panicking. Am I failing my kids in their academic education? How far behind are they in English and Math? How on earth am I ever going to catch up? Am I setting the bar too low of what I expect of them each day? Most of their work seems so high maintenance that I can't figure out how daily, to get everything done with each kid. I'm mean really, I think today was the first day #3 child actually did some formal school work in the past couple of weeks. Granted said child is only in kindergarten and we've already done 80% of the required work- but still.

Need some divine wisdom/intervention on how to figure out managing the 'littles' so that the 'biggies' get their work done. Having said that, guess I should go spend some time trying to get it. ;-)

Honour and obey with your heart, not just your body...

I had a breakthrough with my oldest the other day. It was during another one of those fights that we said we weren't going to have over his guitar practicing (or rather lack thereof and the extremely crappy effort (if you could even call it effort) that he was putting forth).

I was desperately trying not to loose my marbles and give up altogether on this music thing with him. It literally was going on for close to 2 hours! In the background I could hear the other kids screaming and hubby loosing it with them as I had it out with my oldest. I knew that if I gave up, we'd be back at this on the next practice and it would probably be even worse.

Then came the sentence: "I need you to honour and obey with your heart, not just your body". Lightbulb moment! That was the problem. His view was that he just needed to 'suck it up and just do it' and survive till the end of the year that was required of him. He would have his body practice, all the while his heart was far from it- which is why we were fighting over this. He wasn't working as unto the Lord giving a whole-hearted effort- it was more like 10%, and it showed.

Now, some of you might be going, 'well, duh! wasn't that obvious?' Well, yes and no. On the one hand, I remembered a story* about that from when I was younger and it suddenly all made sense. Yet on the other hand, it was a divine revelation that God gave 'in that Kairos moment'- that suddenly brought it to life and gave it power that my previous understanding of that truth couldn't comprehend until that moment. It's like going to watch a fireworks display- you know when you hear the 'pop' that the burst will shortly follow, but what you don't know/comprehend until the moment is what it is going to look like. THEN, you have the oh, ah, moment. Does that make sense?

In that one moment, I finally realized how I could explain this to the kids- because this heart obedience is the issue for all of us, not just my oldest when it comes to the guitar practicing. This is where God looks for our obedience- not in the outward performance of things, but the heart attitude that we had. That is how we can have joy in all circumstances and give 110% when nobody else is looking and the job is horrible.

Now having said that, I'm examining my own life right now and how that fits in with me. There are a few things that I've been doing lately that have begun to feel more like burdens than opportunities for joyous service. So, needless to say- my heart attitude has sucked! But like I keep telling the kids, no matter what happens to you- you still have to CHOOSE your attitude/response. Nobody can MAKE you DO anything, it's always a choice. But I digress.

I've been really working this through with the kids- in their chores, school work, and just general obedience, and let me tell you, there have been some REALLY good moments that have come out of it. For the most part, guitar practicing has taken on a whole new tone (ha, ha- both literally and figuratively)- and so has some of the school work. We still have our moments, but now I have a new 'mantra' of sorts- and I'm sticking with it until God gives me a new one!

* The general gist of the story I mentioned was a tale of a parent disciplining a child. His punishment was to sit down in a chair for a period of time. As he sat down the child replies, "I may be sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside".

Am I doing it all wrong (reflections on 'superior Chinese mothers'- see previous post)?

It never fails that the moment you read about someone else's parenting, you wonder- even if only briefly, whether or not they're already doing something that you should be doing. Such was the case this evening as I read an interesting article about the difference between stereo-typical Chinese mothers and the average 'Western' type mother. (posted as an entry before this one so you can read if for yourself)

As I read the article, I really began to wonder if maybe there was something to be said for having high expectations for your kids. But then I wondered where are those kids' hearts in relation to Christ? Then I wondered if I was just using that as an excuse to not require more of my children (considering myself lucky if I get a 15 min guitar practice out of my oldest without any tears/melt-downs, never mind 2 - 3 hrs!). I wonder how you could have more than one kid in order to devote that much time to making them strive for perfection?

Maybe, as with everything, there is a fine balancing line that needs to be walked. Ultimately, all their perfection will only get them a one-way ticket to hell. Talk about the biggest failure you could have- the final that cannot be passed by human means, no matter how much practice you put in. Maybe that is why the Chinese people seem to have one of the most fruitful harvest fields right now- they're tired of striving for a perfection that they can never attain. In the wise words of Syndrome from the movie The Incredibles, "I'll make everyone a superhero- and then nobody will be special anymore" (or something like that). When everyone is striving for perfection than that is the new normal- standing out is almost out of reach.

But in the end, God will not look at all the hours that were put into studying/practicing/etc. and let them in for doing their best. Even if it is for doing works in God's kingdom- for He says that not all who say 'lord, lord' will enter the kingdom. Only those whom He knows and know Him on an intimate level.

Do I want my kids to succeed? I would love it if they did! Do I need to push them a bit harder and expect more of them? Definitely! But at the end of the day, as a christian, the real question that I need to be able to say yes to is 'are my children closer to God today than they were yesterday'? Lord willing the answer will be yes!

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

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