Okay, feels like it's been a crappy week and I'm REALLY frustrated with life. And, unfortunately that spills over into homeschooling- which spills back over into life.
I've re-enrolled the boys for next year because I think it's what I'm supposed to do. But I'm realizing in my talks with some people, that all those behavioural reasons that I included on my 'reasons for homeschooling' don't magically go away because you're at home with the kids. Not only do they not go away, I seriously think that they intensify!
Now granted, my parents have been gone for the past month and the kids really miss them. And now, they can't even come home because a volcano blew in Iceland and the ash is all over Europe (so they've cancelled all the flights since volcanic ash will seize the engines- and it's pretty hard to fly without them!). So, to make matters worse- the kids are upset about that as well.
Needless to say, there is a fair amount of frustration, anger, depression, anxiety, etc. running amok at my house and it's sliming everyone/everything- and making for a VERY unpleasant household. And as an added bonus, hubby is now home on holidays for 12 days! Seriously, I want to run screaming from my house right now!
But I can't. I think I'm the only thing that is standing in the gap between freedom/peace and descending into a totally chaotic hell. It's thankfully not me that is going to pull us out of this- but rather God. However, I am His tool at the moment- and it sucks!
We've been working on obedience=blessing/disobedience=curses in our KONOS curriculum, and I know that it applies to me as well- so I really need to work through this. But it's hard. And I feel alone- like a lighthouse alone in the lashing storm, with the waves crashing at my feet trying to knock me over and the rain pouring down trying to extinguish the flame that stands as a warning to those around to beware of the rocky shores, lest they be destroyed.
But lighthouses are built upon the rock for a reason- to withstand those same storms that feel like they're going to tear you apart, because that's the whole purpose for them to be there. They are made FOR the storms- to not only survive them, but to help others survive them as well.
In my immediate context- the little ships that I must keep from harm are my children. I cannot cave as if I were a lighthouse made of sticks built on a sandy foundation. My foundation is the rock of Jesus Christ and HE is the lighthouse that needs to shine from within me- thought the storms of life may come (and as anyone knows- it's not a maybe, rather a when the storms come), I must stand firm in Christ. And when I have fought the fight- to REMAIN standing, through the victory of Christ Jesus (NOT my own).
Wow, talk about profound and encouraging words for a very weary and discouraged heart. Kind of too bad that I haven't told anyone about this blog yet- this revelation seems too amazing to keep hidden. Maybe it's time to break out and at least share this with others who could be encouraged by it as I have been. Maybe....
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