Repeat with Me, "I don't need to be Fixed!"

I feel like I'm supposed to write something- and I was going to try really hard to be very cheerful as I wrote it since I seem to always blog/write when I'm frustrated, which makes it all sound dark and dreary. But my thoughts are so all over the place that I feel like I'm jumping from one lilypad to the next with no rhyme or reason to it.

Now that they have this updated blog format, I've actually discovered that I'm not the only one reading these posts- so I feel like I need to 'wax eloquent' with my writing like all the other blog out there seem to. Sheesh! So, needless to say it's a tad frustrating to not be able to think straight and get it out properly.

But then again, maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe my ping-pong ball type thoughts are what someone out there somewhere will need. Maybe my crassly written words will be like the psalmist and hit someone where they're at- now I just need to figure out how to put an uplifting twist on things that are hard.

I guess it's like the movie Courageous- where the lead has to figure out if he's going to choose gratitude for what he did have or be bitter about what he won't have. So often I choose to 'navel-gaze' and pick apart my life in an attempt to 'fix' myself- but in doing so I take my eyes off the One who CAN fix me.

Yet even in that- I'm still believing that who/what I am isn't good enough, that it even needs to be fixed. Whoa- I'm just going to stop for a second and let that thought sink into my brain. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm always so frustrated! Do I need healing and wholeness in my life- definitely. But the bible says that when God made me (all of us), He said it was very good! When He choose to save us- we didn't have to get our act together and be 'fixed' to receive His FREE gift of salvation. We got it where we were at. So where do we get the idea that we need to strive to some goal of perfection in order to be good enough? By comparing ourselves to others and thinking we have to earn our salvation.

You might say that you don't believe in earning our salvation- but what about the verse that says we need to work out our salvation or that we have to be holy even as Jesus was? I don't think those verses are all about US trying to make it on our own. I think it has more to do with being transformed by the presence of God- focusing on Him (instead of ourselves) and having Him rub off on us and our character.

I think I need to go sleep on these thoughts- so not where I thought I was going with this tonight, however, it's a good place to be. A healing place.